"Best I Ever Had" - Vertical Horizon

Check that song out and I guarantee you'll be depressed, even just a little bit.  Pandora sure does know how to brighten a mood sometimes.

Here's a story for ya:

So there was this girl who had this boyfriend.  As most relationships do, it started off nice and sweet.  He said she was his world and "a long term option." ... whatever that means... Boy smothered girl, guilt tripped her, and lacked many traits she liked.  womp, womp. Girl got the guts to end it. WHOO! girl power! haha I kidd.  Boy went back to being depressed, but faked smiles around girl.  LoSeR. zomg.

Like that story?? :) Thought so.

Wow, I haven't had the time to update this since the beginning of last summer.

A lot has happened that's for sure (i.e., story about girl and boy mentioned above).

Here are some highs in my life now (since that story maybe was a low):
-Car
-Jobs
-Pretty hair
-Contacts
-7 new members for AST
-Gamma Sigma Alpha
-Recruitment Counselor?
-"Senior" mentor (I'm not really a senior :-P)
-Apartment
-Kitties. I like them. I miss mine. :(
-Home tomorrow for the weekend even if I will be doing hw.
-Invisalign
-GreekSync and all things with dancing
-Treadmills

According to me, no one should let a boy (or girl) get you down.  Smile, laugh, and do what you love.  Live your life because in the end you have to answer to yourself.  Are you satisfied?  Don't rely on someone else to bring you happiness because they just might let you down. Oops.

"See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart" - Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne has to be one of the greatest rap artists alive.

In my life journey, I've found a lot of "crooks" who played my heart. haha. It's ridiculous. Do people really have nothing else to do? Didn't your mama teach you anything?

That's ok. Go on with your bad self, but feel free to stay away from me. To all the new guys that come along after the crook, I'm sorry. They screwed it up for you, so now you get to prove yourself even more and perhaps even for an extended period of time. Time heals all wounds, though. There's hope for the new guys just give her time. She just wants respect and understanding, not your whole life savings or your life.

According to me, finish what you started.  Don't be a coward, don't run away, and never ever lie.

"Just a touch of the fire burning so bright" - Lady Antebellum

"Oh, I don't wanna mess this thing up."

One guy lost me; another one found me... or I found him. Either way, in the words of Jay-Z "on to the next one." Most people could care less about relationship issues, but I find them interesting. Think about it. Boy meets girl. Girl falls hopelessly, deperately in love with boy. Boy won't admit it, but he does too. Boy made mistakes; girl made some, too. Boy sorta drops off the face of the Earth. Girl waits, waits, and waits for boy to come back. Girl gives up on boy and finds another. Damn, that girl is smart. Now smart girl wants to do things right. You go girl!

Everyone's not perfect. You have to accept the flaws and understand a person's past. I for one have been through heck and back. I like to think of myself as a delicate flower about to go extinct. Don't kill me!!! Please? :) Let's cross fingers for a better ride this time.

According to me, never give up hope. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope that the future gets better; it usually does even if it's not the way you expect it to.

"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small" - Carrie Underwood

When you think it can't get any worse, life doesn't. haha. That's only true 50% of the time.  It's true right now.  Thank goodness for friends!  I'm not waiting anymore because it's fun time now.  Either you're with me or you're not; you know?  I've been getting out of the house and visiting teachers, exercising, and making plans with friends.  I'm on this sort of high right now, and I don't want it to go awayy.  Yes, I still have worries and concerns for certain issues, but I'm repressing those for the time being.  I don't deserve to have to deal with those... no one really should.  I miss my sorority sisters and school, but I'm enjoying time off, too.  For now I'm praying for smooth sailing and the least amount of stress as possible.

According to me, the things I thought were big really aren't after all.

"Motivation" - Kelly Rowland

This post has nothing to do with the context of that song.  However, it does have to do with motivation or the lack thereof.

Lately, I've had little to no motivation.  I hate that.  I feel so lazy and bad.  Guilt lingers in my mind and drives me crazy.

So today I was woke up by my sister whining about toothpaste and other nonsense.  After she left for school, it was quiet for about 2 minutes, then my brother decided to play drums.  Because drumming at 8am is so great! Not.

Since I was up, I decided to go for a walk/jog around the neighborhood before it got too hot.  Besides, I also like getting some fresh air and a chance to clear my head.  It was a nice walk/jog except for the neighborhood dogs; I swear they are stupid.  Always barking at something, even if it's just air.  Now I was all hot and sweaty -- yippee!  Time to clean the room.  I filled about 5 trashbags with things to send to Goodwill.  I didn't even double think what I was donating.  I just wanted it all gone.  That's part of moving on, you know.  Time flew by and I had to go to my job interview.  That was alright.  Off to Goodwill where the guys definitely thought I was a hottie! hahaha.  I stopped by the pediatrician's office for my sister, then went home.  Somehow my cleaning spree died and I watched tv.  I don't know what happened.

Later, I put in the Dead Poet's Society and did a little bit more work in my room.  I still need to get all my old books and papers out so that I can have more floor space.  Living away at college and having to move in and out after each year makes a bedroom a complete wreck!  I cannot stand a messy room or house.  When I get my own place, it will be so organized and clean.  I'd be the perfect housewife. hahaha.

According to me, motivation should be like an ingredient in food so that I could just eat it and go!

1492

I sail in my mind,

Fighting the strong winds –

Confusion, fear, and love.

Waves crashing,

Thoughts against my vessel.

Which wind will prevail?

I hope for love;

Seeming less daunting.

Confusion steers me clear

There’s no definite destination

I long for a compass

To guide me to you,

But then again I embrace

Not knowing where I’m going.

Find me instead.

Set sail into the uncharted seas of my mind and

Discover me.

According to me, I’m not the best poet, but these words are from the heart.

"Stop and stare. I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere." - One Republic

"You start to wonder why you're here not there..."

Yeah, I'm wondering.  I'm pondering why I'm waiting here in this rut.  I stopped climbing my mountain halfway.  What was I waiting for?  I'm not done yet.  I need to finish what I started.  It's time for me to continue my journey with or without the people I started it with.

So, I begin my journey again... I don't really know the entire purpose of this "journey," but I'm going to change some more.  Today, I had a realization.  I realized that I'm growing up -- fast.  I cannot stop either.  I've got a car, a job, possibly another job, and things to do.  I have no time to waste or spend on meaningless nonsense.  I've waited long enough for things to turn around on their own; however, I have to be the change I want to see.

As far as guys are concerned, if you want me, you have to come get me.  Catch me if you can.

I'm not going to say that I'm the perfect person that everyone wants, but I do have the confidence and respect for myself to not settle for just anyone.  I know what I deserve.  I deserve the best; I deserve someone who needs me, not just wants me.  I should have a man that wouldn't trade me for anything or anyone.  Will that man ever come?  Only God knows that answer, but until that day, I'm living my life.

I have let myself down one too many times... That's something I'm not proud of.  I'm better than that.  So now I'm letting go of the baggage, drama, issues, etc. and starting fresh.

Hello world.  It's nice to meet you.

According to me, I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over where no one knows my name.

Update from yesterday...

Okay, so no pool today.  Bummer.  I did get the cat shaved, and the other one her shots.  I also caught up on some Secret Life of the American Teenager, which, by the way, has a new episode coming on Monday night that I want have to see.  As far as exercising goes, I did a little bit today.  I really don't want to go jogging in the neighborhood alone, but then again I don't want to listen to anyone else while I'm jogging.  Can't I just have my cake and eat it too?  Speaking of cake, I really wanted Sweet Frog today... didn't get that either.  It turns out that my best friend's parents are being hardcore strict.  Bummer, again.  Let's make matters worse by saying that every episode of pretty much whatever I watch reminds me of Jeffrey Wayne.  I'm a semi mess... Bummer x3.  Oh, and the job hunt is still on.  I gotta find myself another one soon.

According to me, I'm just the average girl next door trying to find her way in this world.  You can't let the bummers in life keep you down.  I'll admit that I cry sometimes but not out of defeat; get back up and show "them" what you've got! [You fill in the them that fits.]

"For Always, Forever" - Every Avenue

It is officially summertime now.  That means work, housework, cleaning almost everything, trips to the pool, and missing friends a lot.  Most of my friends live at least an hour away.  The ones that live nearby are almost always busy or have full time jobs.  Therefore, I'm spending my time right now trying to get two part time jobs.  I've got to save up money for gas, sorority dues, and groceries for next school year. Yikes!  Life is rough, but I'm still living.
My practicum II is over now, and I miss those kids.  I miss waking up early, packing my lunch, and having somewhere to be and something to do until the afternoon.  I'm going to visit them Friday and go to their end of the year party.  Though I don't think I could work at that middle school, but I could stand being a substitute or just visiting.
Tomorrow, I get to take my kitty to get her summer shave.  Poor baby has such long hair; she's a pure bred Maine coon.  She's going to be a nakey kitty now. haha.  I have to take my other kitty to get a shot of some sort.  I hate needles, and I don't like seeing my animals in pain. :-(
But after the vet visits, I plan on going to the pool and trying to get a tan.  haha, I know. Me + tan = failure.  Nevertheless, I enjoy laying out in the sun.  Perhaps I'll read a book.  I don't do too much reading, but since I have time to kill I might as well read.
I also will be starting an exercise program called Couch25K.  Supposedly, it will help me be able to run/jog a 5K in 3 weeks!  First, you start out slow alternating walking and jogging for 20 min then increase the amount of time jogging.  You do this workout 3 days a week, so I figure Monday, Wednesday, and Friday will be the days I go out and jog.  I'm still not at the weight that I want to be.  I've gained weight since I've been home. :'-(

Oh, and each day that passes, I still wait to hear from him.  I've never heard silence this loud before.

According to me, summertime is still better than any other time of year.

The end of one thing, the beginning of another.

Today was my last day at the middle school. It was difficult to explain to the children why I had to leave. I cried on the way home... I have to come back and visit them a few times before school is out. Those kids drove me crazy, but they left a mark on my heart. I would have never known that 42 sixth graders at a low socioeconomic city school would end up meaning so much to me. I hope that each and every one of them realize how important a good education is and study hard.

Today was also a day I couldn't get him off my mind...

Woke up late today,
And I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brush my teeth anyway.
Got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work,
And I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio,
Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

Yeah... Sara Evans said it all.  Life goes on with or without some people.
I will always believe everything happens for a reason.

According to me, I'll be alright.

In my heart, you'll always be.

I think of you everyday.  I dream of you often.  I wish you never left because I fear you'll never come back to me.  I miss the sound of your voice.  I miss my phone ringing every morning and evening; you telling me that you loved me.  I sometimes say I can't go on like this anymore, but I know I can and I am.  Pictures of you surround me.  I love your sweet smile.  I miss snuggling with you and watching random movies while drinking Ginger Ale and eating junk food.  I dream of new adventures we can share together, but will they ever happen?  When will you be back?  I've lost track of how many months it's been...
I would give almost anything to see you, hug you, hear your voice.

According to me, you're my world.

Burnt Out

I've been super busy lately.  I am so terribly tired.  The week isn't even halfway over!  Now, I know a lot of people are like boohoo, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it, but I'm not used to being this busy.  I've had to wake up 5 hours before I normally do and stand around for 8 hours observing rowdy children.  That right there will make a sane lady go crazy.  So today after school I came home, changed clothes, ate a snack, wrote my journal, cleaned the bathroom, folded clothes, ate dinner, and painted my nails. ha ha.  I could not resist looking at my bare nails any longer!  Every once in a while I just have a need to feel pretty, typical right?  And my dad informed me tonight that I'll be getting braces again.  However, this time they're invisible!  Yay for not being an obvious brace face.  Note to all: wear your retainer for years after your braces come off.  Those teeth start moving and it hurts.  I also now have to find a car that is 10 years or less old and fairly cheap.  Oh boy... But on the bright side, I have a summer job and I start next week!

An update on the student teaching-
     7th graders are worse at the school I'm at.  They have confirmed my dislike of middle school.  I want my elementary babies back!  I sat in on 2 classes of 7th graders, and they were absolutely horrid.  If I could, I would have slapped every single one of them and yelled until their ears fell off.  Terrible.  My supervising professor came by unexpectedly today, as well.  He is dumb as dirt, too.  I better be receiving an A for putting up with him and this school.  He seems so lost as to what he is supposed to be doing.  I don't know where my university finds these people, but they need to do a better job.  I'd like for my next supervising professor to be competent and active and interested in my experience. Kthanks.

According to me, Friday needs to hurry up so that I can eat dinner at Olive Garden with my friend!

"Miss Gruwell, he just took my damn bag!"

Just replace Miss Gruwell with Miss Yancey and that was my day.  I spent one day in a low socioeconomic city middle school with SPED 6th graders as well as honors 6th graders.  Their stories blow my mind and I've only heard a couple so far.  I have 14 more days with them, and I'm sure each day will bring something brand new.  Thinking back on my day, I am reminded of the great movie Freedom Writers.  It's such a wonderful, eye opening movie... It's sad to know that there are schools just like that one not even 20 minutes from my home.  Teachers buy those students clothes, school supplies, and backpacks of food every two weeks!  Some students don't even have homes and reside in hotels, or even cars if their mom doesn't have money for a room.  I am so blessed to have a stellar education and all of my needs and most of my wants satisfied.  Those 6th graders are hyper and rambunctious, but I can understand why they can't concentrate on a math problem because their mind is too busy wondering if they'll have a place to stay after school or where their next meal is going to come from.  I can't stop counting my blessings.  I thought I wouldn't last past the inclusion class, but I like them better than the advanced for some reason.

More to come later...

"Miss Me, Baby" - Chris Cagle

"Let my memory be the reason you can't sleep..."

While talking to my best friend about her relationship issues, I realized how much I miss my first true love, my dinohawk.  I used to be the person who would get really attached very quickly.  Don't get my wrong, I'll still get attached, but I'm slow to move and trust.  Growing up in a broken family, experiencing some not so good things, and being at college has taught me a lot.  We took a break to focus on ourselves, and now I'm ready to be back in his arms...  The question is does he want me back?  Promises were made; I take them seriously.

Some basic facts and advice:
- If there were more girls like myself (genuine and sweet), then there would be more successful and happy relationships.  These ladies who think they can walk up into some other girl's territory (e.g., boyfriend, lover) and own the place need to realize they're breaking hearts.
- If the guy is serious about the relationship, then don't worry too much about what he's doing all the time.  He is dating you; if he wanted another girl, let's hope he'd have the decency to end it with you first.
- Guys and girls will never understand each other 100%, so let's not be too harsh or assume stuff.
- Double standards suck.  I don't like them.  There needs to be boundaries about what the partners can and cannot do. The end.
- However, the stereotype of the guy working and the lady staying home cooking and cleaning is not such a bad idea for me.  I do like to provide for myself, though.  Jobs are good.
- Don't let people control you.  Ladies, if there's another girl or ex-girlfriend going after your man, trust your man to make the right decisions to protect your relationship.  Guys, your woman is most likely not going to go after another guy, if she's any bit of decent.
- Being protective is good.  Being overprotective is bad.  This goes for parenting, too.  My mother was overprotective of my brother and I.  When I left her house, I broke free (I did not go crazy!) and lived -- felt good, too.  Both partners need to watch out for each other, but don't try to control each other's every action.  You both still have lives to live of your own, especially if you're not married yet.
- Be open and honest with each other.  If there is any uncertainty or any issues, be civil and talk it out.  Don't lose something great over a misunderstanding or miscommunication.  Communication is key.

"I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.  I wish I could start this whole thing over again. [...] You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hands.  I'd still look like a fool in front of your friends.  Yeah, I wish somehow I didn't know now what I didn't know then." - Toby Keith

According to me, trust is the foundation of a splendid relationship.

Studying

Or attempting to...

Each exam week since I've been in college has had "study music."  The first was a mix of soft 90s (because I'm a 90s kid).  The second was Virginia Coalition, an awesome band from my home state.  The third exam week's theme was John Denver ("Leaving on a Jet Plane," "Rocky Mountain High," etc.)  Now the fourth is We the Kings ("Check Yes Juliet," "Skyway Avenue," etc.)  Good stuff right there.  Yes, it's rock music, which usually ends up being more of a distraction than a put-me-in-a-zone music, but I'm doing pretty good.  I feel fairly comfortable with my mathematics.  I have my math exam at 8:00am tomorrow; I haven't been awake before 8:00am in a long time!  I didn't want to study, but I'm forcing myself to redo problems from tests and quizzes and making up my own.  I need an A or high B on the test to keep my A in the class.  I want President's List again!!!

I give myself three more hours of reviewing math, then I'm going to the gym for a couple of hours.  Of course, I'll be studying after my workout for another three hours.  Blah.  Friday cannot get here soon enough!

According to me, exam week whomps.

"White Liar" - Miranda Lambert

Quotes to ponder:

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain

I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle.  Washington could not lie.  I can lie, but I won't. - Mark Twain

No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. - Tad Williams

 Why do people feel the need to lie about the most stupidest of things?  Why can't someone just be genuinely open and honest for once?  It absolutely kills me to hear lies.  I have zero tolerance for it.  I'd like to think I can trust anyone I just met or have no issues with, but the first time I catch them lying I'm done.  Goodbye respect; liars suck. The End.

According to me, vultures can om-nom-nom all of the liars.

"Float On" - Modest Mouse

Yep, floatin' on to the next part of life.  Movin' on.  I've packed up almost my entire dorm room.  Yay!  I'll be so glad to get out of there.  Going home and hopefully landing a job and getting a car.  3 exams stand in the way of me enjoying a summer.  Well, actually 3 exams and 3 weeks of student teaching in a 6th grade class.  It will be a pleasant challenge.  Another "floating on" event is alumnae inductions tonight.  Oh boy... I expect lots of tears and nothing less.  I'll be saying, "Adios," to my Big sister and 6 others.
I'm so ready to move on; Gah! I can't wait!!

According to me, my second year of college is done.

Life is precious.

Cherish every moment you're given.  I know that sounds typical, and people may say it often.  But think about that statement.  Life can be taken away from you at any moment.  Last night at 8pm a friend of mine had a baby.  She was expecting a girl; they had everything set up and ready.  She went into labor early and had a baby boy.  His lungs and kidneys weren't fully developed, and he went to Heaven at 10pm the same night.  I saw a photo of that precious child and almost cried.  His parents and grandparents wanted him so badly.  2 hours was all that child was given on Earth.  I've been blessed with 2 decades.  I'm guilty of being a grumpy gills and a Debbie downer, but I wholeheartedly believe it's time for a change.  So often we sweat the small things in life.  I find myself mad at the simplest issues, instead of letting them go and moving on.  It's not an overnight change; it takes a conscious effort, and I can honestly say I'm getting better.

According to me, no one should take life for granted.

Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's off to work I go!

Just kidding!  I love my job, and I do it well.  However, I get so bored sitting at the desk for two hours (sometimes four hours) at a time.  There are no residents stopping by, no drunk people, no problems, which is a good thing.  I'd like some excitement or something more to do.  I usually do my homework, but I have no homework to do.  So this is what I did...

And this...

 And this...

I have so much fun having mini photo shoots at work! :)

It's okay to be jealous of my awesome job at school.  I will miss this next year, to an extent.  I'll be the boss of people like me now. Oh yeah!  I get to come back later today and sit here some more... joy.  Tomorrow night I get to sit somewhere else.  Why do I end up with the late shifts?

According to me, money is worth boredom.

"Not looking back, not forgetting where I've been..." - Jason Aldean

But what a feeling chasing the sun, living my life like it shot from a gun, laughing a little bit more with every mile.  Oh what a freedom racing the wind, dying to know what's around the next bend, smiling as I watch the years roll by.  I'm learning how to take it day by day on my highway.

Those lyrics speak some truth.  I spend a second too much fretting the smaller things in life and not enjoying the drive.  I've made my mistakes and will make many more, but I'm done looking back.  Though I won't forget where I've been, I'm never going back.  I've learned my lessons.

Today was a not so good day at first.  The usual people problems and awkward situations, but once I left the area and started getting stuff done that I needed to, it got better.  I took many deep breaths of semi-fresh air and got on with my life.  I'm not one to repay bad slash stupid with more bad slash stupid, but I can.  This girl is real.  I'm standing up for myself nowadays.  I've got a list of things to do and a time frame to do it all; don't get in my way.  Now, I don't mean for that to sound negative; it's just a fact.  I know what I need to do to take care of myself, and I do not appreciate people trying to mess with me... not cool.  And if someone does try to pull one over on me and lie about it, oh, that's really bad news for them.  Two can play those games, sugadoll.  But anyways, so after the dipwads were taken care of, I went to class and taught a lesson.  However, there were a few peers who didn't want to do my lesson.  Tough poop!  It's my lesson and you need to do it.  I did yours just fine.  Give me some respect here people!  They get shocked when I fuss, but I have every right to.  I'm not always some nice, sweet, and quiet pushover.  Luckily, I survived that lesson even if it didn't turn out quite right.  So my next battle was to present my grammar card game.  Exterminate the Grammar Bugs!  Exciting, huh?  We wanted to present second, but turns out we had to draw numbers to find out when we presented.  We got fourth.  Not too shabby, but we had some good competition.  One group went to the campus printing services and had an actual game board -- very impresive and expensive.  I was still proud of us, and at least we got it over with today. That's one huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.  Now on to the next events -- ceremony practice and a "special meeting".  I've been waiting for this meeting for a while...

Oh, and an update on the printer: it worked this morning after being unplugged all night and a couple of tries this morning.  I do not understand that machine.

According to me, grab life by the horns and wrestle it until you just can't anymore.

My Printer

My printer is controlled by the Devil.  I swear every time I've needed to use it in the past few months it has not wanted to turn on right away.  I've only owned it for two years, too!  Talk about annoying!  It will almost turn on and then beep beep! it turns off.  It's one of the most aggravating noises, too.  I have waited over five minutes now for it to turn on so I can print out a letter to my Big.  It looks like that isn't happening anytime soon.  The Devil's toy is now turned off for the night.  Maybe tomorrow it'll have some mercy on my poor soul...
     Signed, one upset college student

According to me, technology is bound to fail at some point.

Happy Easter!

Jesus has risen and the Easter bunny has delivered his goodies!  What a glorious day-- candy and salvation!  Congratulations to all of you who participated in lent; you did it!  It's also the perfect weather for once.  I get to wear my yellow rose sun dress!  It has rained every Easter for the past few years but not this year!  I woke up this morning to a basket of peeps, reese's eggs, sweet tarts, chocolate eggs, and of course, a chocolate bunny. :)  I am one happy camper.  I've also had a productive morning because I've done all of my homework until I meet up with my partners later today to perfect our presentation.

Later that same Easter Sunday...

So I now have lovely pink shoulders from riding in the convertible with my Dad to go look at some cars.  No luck on the car hunting, yet.  I also have melted Reese's eggs.  However on a happier note, I have 2 more weeks of living on campus until I can go home for 3 months.  Praise God!  My partners and I had a lovely time working on our presentation; we're pretty much going to wing most of it, but that's okay.  I have faith in us, and we should do fine.  I'm still praying for an A.  I also teach a lesson in Kinesiology tomorrow.  I'm preparing myself to teach about the movement of atoms and molecules in solids, liquids, and gases... exciting, huh?  It's been a long day, weekend, semester, year, etc.  Next semester is looking better and better as the days go by.  This Easter chick is super tired!

According to me, Easter is one of my favorite holidays.  I am hardly ever upset, unlike on my birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.  Odd...

May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone." - Blake Shelton

I want to go home.

Home is where the heart is.

"Home is wherever I'm with you." - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Though I may not be with my love all the time, I'm at home when I'm surrounded by those who love me.  There's just something good about being able to come home and be at peace.  Even if I have a ton of work to do, I can still relax and forget the mess in the world (to an extent). 

Today I was able to see my uncle, aunts, and cousins I haven't seen in months!  We met up at a nice park, rode some paddle boats, threw a football around, and shared many laughs.  It had to have been one of the best days I've had in a while.  At first I was hesitant to go to a park - sounds boring.  But when my family was all there, time flew because we were having so much fun.  My cousins made me promise to drive down and see them this summer.  I'm already planning that long 9 hour trip!  I really am blessed to have such great family even if I don't get to see them often.  Distance doesn't matter when it comes to love and family.  They're still there for you, love you and miss you even when we're separated for months at a time.  That statement stands true for boyfriends, too.  Although you both may be oceans apart, you're still connected and there for each other.  Distance (may) make the heart grow fonder...  I'm able to find peace by knowing that.

According to me, distance is good.

"If I could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself..." - Brad Paisley

What would it say?  It would be one of the longest letters for sure.  I think it'd be more of a list than a letter.  I'd include so many things.  Here's some of it:

• Practice smiling more often
• Hold the door open for all people (unless they're creepers)
• Speak up, even if you may be wrong
• Don't stay mad at grandma because she's not going to live forever
• Just because a boy says he likes you does not mean you have to date him
• Have some confidence, sweetheart
• Keep up the good grades; they'll get you somewhere
• Don't just have good grades; they aren't everything
• Choose your friends wisely
• Peer pressure does exist and try not to fall for it, and when you do, don't be too harsh on yourself
• Take voice lesson because you have so much potential
• Don't give up the violin just because Mama took it
• Exercise!  Your heart will thank you.
• Grandpa is trying to teach you patience, of course you probably won't ever have a lot, but it's good to have some
• Observe your surroundings... you can learn a lot
• Don't be a pushover

One of the last things on the list would be to not stop loving even if your heart gets bruised or chipped.  I may not fully trust everyone, but that boundary is necessary.  Life is a learning experience.  I love learning, though I may complain about class assignments.  I like learning that I can apply to real life.  I'm not sure exactly why God put me here on Earth, but He has a reason.  I'm slowly but surely learning what it is...  I was placed here to love and be loved - that I know for sure.
Love -- small word that means a lot.  I have loved, do love, and will love just as my Father loves me eternally.  I truly am a sweet, caring human being.  I feel as if we all have our moments where we get agitated, aggravated, frustrated, and just fed up with life.  But are we really done?  Do we really want to leave Earth in anger?  Do you want an end?  The thought has crossed my mind at times; however, it's love that keeps me here... no lie.  I don't want to lose what I've worked at to get.  We all have flaws, but that's what makes us beautiful and worth loving.  Someone out there loves my mistakes, forgives my oops, and loves me for me.  Why would I take that from them?  That's not loving at all!

Hey little girl with your tangled hair, your tattered clothes,
You're fifteen and you're about to bloom just like a rose.
You’re wishing that you had designer jeans
Like the ones you see in magazines.
Now I know you’d give anything just to fit in,
But your worth ain't on a price tag; it comes from within.
Don’t you know you’re beautiful? -- Kellie Pickler

According to me, you're perfect in the eyes of God.

"When I'm alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall." - Rick Ross

What else is there to do when you've got a load on your heart and mind?  I just stare and think about everything.  Sometimes I get a headache from all the thoughts running through my mind.  I suppose there's nothing wrong with thinking, but I guess it's what you think about that matters.  I reflect many times a day on where I want to be in the next hour, day, week, 5 years.  I think about my family members who I rarely see or speak to.  I think about friends new and old.  I think about what's next on my To Do list.  I enjoy contemplating in general.  What would I do without music to help express my thoughts and feelings?  A good friend of mine and I used to always laugh about there's a song for everything.  I still believe that statement to be true.  It's a good feeling to just let your mind run free and just sing and rock to the music.  There's no need for words; the singers say it all.

"All that bullsh*t is for the birds; you ain't nothing but a vulchur.  Always hoping for the worst, waiting for me to...  You'll regret the day that I find another [one], yeah." - Chris Brown

Can I truly say bye-bye to it all?  This may sound cheesy, but I want to chuck up my deuces to everything.  When the going gets tough, the tough pull through, but don't the tough want to escape sometimes?  I need a break from life... A nice drive in a sunny countryside followed by sitting on the hood of the car enjoying the breeze sounds a-m-a-z-i-n-g right now.  Maybe that'll happen one day, but for now it's back to the stress of real life - studying, writing, reading, performing, etc., etc., etc.

According to me, music soothes a troubled soul.

"If you ever loved somebody, put your hands up" - Nelly

"It was only just a dream..." I wish.It's been an interesting and rather tough last few weeks to say the least.  The spring semester is ending soon, and the summer teaching will commence.  There's just a few things wrong.

1. I'm missing someone very important.
2. I don't know where I'm teaching.

Now, you may be wondering how those two relate.  Well, they don't.  Those are just the biggest issues at the moment.  Not to mention that I have group presentations to do, as well.  I must not fail to mention that group work is not my specialty.  I cannot wait until next August.

Back to the topic, though. #1 is a person that means the world to me.  He is the person that I would do just about anything for.  Even though I've only known him for a couple of years, we've clicked from the start.

He's gone abroad now, and life in America just isn't the same.  But enough of that sob story.

#2 is a pain in my bum.  My university is terribly slow in arranging teaching placements.  I have 2 weeks until I'm supposed to be at some school!  I keep telling myself not to freak out, but I really am.  The last I heard was that 40 people are waiting. FORTY! *Facepalm.*

Lord, please don't let me be stuck with middle school. Amen.

So while I wait for #1 and #2 to become a part of my life (again), I live each day to the fullest: smiling at everyone, listening to good music, saying my prayers every night (or when necessary), and trying to be the best I can be.  The trick is to not let the not so great things in life get you down, or keep you down.  I've almost mastered it; it's a work in progress.

According to me, patience is an excellent quality to have.

"Welcome to the good life." - Kanye West

"The wait is over, and after all the talk, all I can say is, 'You're welcome.'"  This song has been on my mind for the past few days.  Besides the references of drinking, gambling, and such, it's a good song.  Live a life you're proud of, a life of happiness and success.  "Haters gonna hate," is what my sisters say.  I have to admit that it's true.  A lot of people have been in and out of my life, and now I feel like saying toodles to everyone who is against me.  Who needs negativity?  I'm living a the life that was given to me.  You only live once on Earth; make good choices.  I used to be hesistent to have fun... always worried of what would happen... forget all of that now... go for it.  Jump into that cold pool water and wake up -- live.  I just have to look up at the stars and thank the good Lord for blessing me.  I've decided to break out of my little turtle shell.

"It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!  Everybody's looking forward to the weekend." - Rebecca Black

(One of the most annoying songs ever!  However, she is making a lot of money off of it, so I have to give her some credit.  Besides, the chorus is true for many people.)

According to me, you should live a life with no regrets.

"Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up." - T. Swift

So here I am blogging about my life.  I truly believe it could make a successful sitcom or lame ABC Family series.  It's not as dramatic as The Secret Life of the American Teenager, but sometimes it's close to it. 

Life as a young adult is interesting.  Living at college, working crazy shifts at the front desk, attempting to do homework, and still trying to get people to notice you.  A professor once told me, "It's not about what you know but rather who you know."  Well, I don't know many. Whoops!  Finding out who I am is the biggest dilemma; however, I'm finding out really quickly.  Needless to say I am also quite satisfied with my discoveries.  Greek life is a master at making you grow up.  My Alpha Sigma Tau sisters mean the world to me.

They sure do know how to brighten my day, even if I get aggravated sometimes.  There's just something special about knowing there is always someone there for me to talk to who understands 100%.  I've grown so much as a leader, scholar, and person since joining.  Amazing...

My little and I are the absolute perfect match.  Sisters for life!  She's one girl who will be in the wedding, if that day ever comes.  We've got a lot in common and enough differences to enjoy getting to know one another.  If you ever want to further develop your people skills, just go Greek!  I may sound like I'm advertising, but it is definitely the truth.  Some say you're just paying for your friends.  Well, if that's the case, I'm not paying enough!

The college life of a small town girl in the middle of nowhereville surrounded by cows and townies... sound boring?  Oh, you have no idea.

So according to me, I love my crazy, semi-melodramatic life.