"Best I Ever Had" - Vertical Horizon

Check that song out and I guarantee you'll be depressed, even just a little bit.  Pandora sure does know how to brighten a mood sometimes.

Here's a story for ya:

So there was this girl who had this boyfriend.  As most relationships do, it started off nice and sweet.  He said she was his world and "a long term option." ... whatever that means... Boy smothered girl, guilt tripped her, and lacked many traits she liked.  womp, womp. Girl got the guts to end it. WHOO! girl power! haha I kidd.  Boy went back to being depressed, but faked smiles around girl.  LoSeR. zomg.

Like that story?? :) Thought so.

Wow, I haven't had the time to update this since the beginning of last summer.

A lot has happened that's for sure (i.e., story about girl and boy mentioned above).

Here are some highs in my life now (since that story maybe was a low):
-Car
-Jobs
-Pretty hair
-Contacts
-7 new members for AST
-Gamma Sigma Alpha
-Recruitment Counselor?
-"Senior" mentor (I'm not really a senior :-P)
-Apartment
-Kitties. I like them. I miss mine. :(
-Home tomorrow for the weekend even if I will be doing hw.
-Invisalign
-GreekSync and all things with dancing
-Treadmills

According to me, no one should let a boy (or girl) get you down.  Smile, laugh, and do what you love.  Live your life because in the end you have to answer to yourself.  Are you satisfied?  Don't rely on someone else to bring you happiness because they just might let you down. Oops.

"See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart" - Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne has to be one of the greatest rap artists alive.

In my life journey, I've found a lot of "crooks" who played my heart. haha. It's ridiculous. Do people really have nothing else to do? Didn't your mama teach you anything?

That's ok. Go on with your bad self, but feel free to stay away from me. To all the new guys that come along after the crook, I'm sorry. They screwed it up for you, so now you get to prove yourself even more and perhaps even for an extended period of time. Time heals all wounds, though. There's hope for the new guys just give her time. She just wants respect and understanding, not your whole life savings or your life.

According to me, finish what you started.  Don't be a coward, don't run away, and never ever lie.

"Just a touch of the fire burning so bright" - Lady Antebellum

"Oh, I don't wanna mess this thing up."

One guy lost me; another one found me... or I found him. Either way, in the words of Jay-Z "on to the next one." Most people could care less about relationship issues, but I find them interesting. Think about it. Boy meets girl. Girl falls hopelessly, deperately in love with boy. Boy won't admit it, but he does too. Boy made mistakes; girl made some, too. Boy sorta drops off the face of the Earth. Girl waits, waits, and waits for boy to come back. Girl gives up on boy and finds another. Damn, that girl is smart. Now smart girl wants to do things right. You go girl!

Everyone's not perfect. You have to accept the flaws and understand a person's past. I for one have been through heck and back. I like to think of myself as a delicate flower about to go extinct. Don't kill me!!! Please? :) Let's cross fingers for a better ride this time.

According to me, never give up hope. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope that the future gets better; it usually does even if it's not the way you expect it to.

"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small" - Carrie Underwood

When you think it can't get any worse, life doesn't. haha. That's only true 50% of the time.  It's true right now.  Thank goodness for friends!  I'm not waiting anymore because it's fun time now.  Either you're with me or you're not; you know?  I've been getting out of the house and visiting teachers, exercising, and making plans with friends.  I'm on this sort of high right now, and I don't want it to go awayy.  Yes, I still have worries and concerns for certain issues, but I'm repressing those for the time being.  I don't deserve to have to deal with those... no one really should.  I miss my sorority sisters and school, but I'm enjoying time off, too.  For now I'm praying for smooth sailing and the least amount of stress as possible.

According to me, the things I thought were big really aren't after all.

"Motivation" - Kelly Rowland

This post has nothing to do with the context of that song.  However, it does have to do with motivation or the lack thereof.

Lately, I've had little to no motivation.  I hate that.  I feel so lazy and bad.  Guilt lingers in my mind and drives me crazy.

So today I was woke up by my sister whining about toothpaste and other nonsense.  After she left for school, it was quiet for about 2 minutes, then my brother decided to play drums.  Because drumming at 8am is so great! Not.

Since I was up, I decided to go for a walk/jog around the neighborhood before it got too hot.  Besides, I also like getting some fresh air and a chance to clear my head.  It was a nice walk/jog except for the neighborhood dogs; I swear they are stupid.  Always barking at something, even if it's just air.  Now I was all hot and sweaty -- yippee!  Time to clean the room.  I filled about 5 trashbags with things to send to Goodwill.  I didn't even double think what I was donating.  I just wanted it all gone.  That's part of moving on, you know.  Time flew by and I had to go to my job interview.  That was alright.  Off to Goodwill where the guys definitely thought I was a hottie! hahaha.  I stopped by the pediatrician's office for my sister, then went home.  Somehow my cleaning spree died and I watched tv.  I don't know what happened.

Later, I put in the Dead Poet's Society and did a little bit more work in my room.  I still need to get all my old books and papers out so that I can have more floor space.  Living away at college and having to move in and out after each year makes a bedroom a complete wreck!  I cannot stand a messy room or house.  When I get my own place, it will be so organized and clean.  I'd be the perfect housewife. hahaha.

According to me, motivation should be like an ingredient in food so that I could just eat it and go!

1492

I sail in my mind,

Fighting the strong winds –

Confusion, fear, and love.

Waves crashing,

Thoughts against my vessel.

Which wind will prevail?

I hope for love;

Seeming less daunting.

Confusion steers me clear

There’s no definite destination

I long for a compass

To guide me to you,

But then again I embrace

Not knowing where I’m going.

Find me instead.

Set sail into the uncharted seas of my mind and

Discover me.

According to me, I’m not the best poet, but these words are from the heart.

"Stop and stare. I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere." - One Republic

"You start to wonder why you're here not there..."

Yeah, I'm wondering.  I'm pondering why I'm waiting here in this rut.  I stopped climbing my mountain halfway.  What was I waiting for?  I'm not done yet.  I need to finish what I started.  It's time for me to continue my journey with or without the people I started it with.

So, I begin my journey again... I don't really know the entire purpose of this "journey," but I'm going to change some more.  Today, I had a realization.  I realized that I'm growing up -- fast.  I cannot stop either.  I've got a car, a job, possibly another job, and things to do.  I have no time to waste or spend on meaningless nonsense.  I've waited long enough for things to turn around on their own; however, I have to be the change I want to see.

As far as guys are concerned, if you want me, you have to come get me.  Catch me if you can.

I'm not going to say that I'm the perfect person that everyone wants, but I do have the confidence and respect for myself to not settle for just anyone.  I know what I deserve.  I deserve the best; I deserve someone who needs me, not just wants me.  I should have a man that wouldn't trade me for anything or anyone.  Will that man ever come?  Only God knows that answer, but until that day, I'm living my life.

I have let myself down one too many times... That's something I'm not proud of.  I'm better than that.  So now I'm letting go of the baggage, drama, issues, etc. and starting fresh.

Hello world.  It's nice to meet you.

According to me, I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over where no one knows my name.