"Oh, I don't wanna mess this thing up."
One guy lost me; another one found me... or I found him. Either way, in the words of Jay-Z "on to the next one." Most people could care less about relationship issues, but I find them interesting. Think about it. Boy meets girl. Girl falls hopelessly, deperately in love with boy. Boy won't admit it, but he does too. Boy made mistakes; girl made some, too. Boy sorta drops off the face of the Earth. Girl waits, waits, and waits for boy to come back. Girl gives up on boy and finds another. Damn, that girl is smart. Now smart girl wants to do things right. You go girl!
Everyone's not perfect. You have to accept the flaws and understand a person's past. I for one have been through heck and back. I like to think of myself as a delicate flower about to go extinct. Don't kill me!!! Please? :) Let's cross fingers for a better ride this time.
According to me, never give up hope. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope that the future gets better; it usually does even if it's not the way you expect it to.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
"When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small" - Carrie Underwood
When you think it can't get any worse, life doesn't. haha. That's only true 50% of the time. It's true right now. Thank goodness for friends! I'm not waiting anymore because it's fun time now. Either you're with me or you're not; you know? I've been getting out of the house and visiting teachers, exercising, and making plans with friends. I'm on this sort of high right now, and I don't want it to go awayy. Yes, I still have worries and concerns for certain issues, but I'm repressing those for the time being. I don't deserve to have to deal with those... no one really should. I miss my sorority sisters and school, but I'm enjoying time off, too. For now I'm praying for smooth sailing and the least amount of stress as possible.
According to me, the things I thought were big really aren't after all.
According to me, the things I thought were big really aren't after all.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
"Motivation" - Kelly Rowland
This post has nothing to do with the context of that song. However, it does have to do with motivation or the lack thereof.
Lately, I've had little to no motivation. I hate that. I feel so lazy and bad. Guilt lingers in my mind and drives me crazy.
So today I was woke up by my sister whining about toothpaste and other nonsense. After she left for school, it was quiet for about 2 minutes, then my brother decided to play drums. Because drumming at 8am is so great! Not.
Since I was up, I decided to go for a walk/jog around the neighborhood before it got too hot. Besides, I also like getting some fresh air and a chance to clear my head. It was a nice walk/jog except for the neighborhood dogs; I swear they are stupid. Always barking at something, even if it's just air. Now I was all hot and sweaty -- yippee! Time to clean the room. I filled about 5 trashbags with things to send to Goodwill. I didn't even double think what I was donating. I just wanted it all gone. That's part of moving on, you know. Time flew by and I had to go to my job interview. That was alright. Off to Goodwill where the guys definitely thought I was a hottie! hahaha. I stopped by the pediatrician's office for my sister, then went home. Somehow my cleaning spree died and I watched tv. I don't know what happened.
Later, I put in the Dead Poet's Society and did a little bit more work in my room. I still need to get all my old books and papers out so that I can have more floor space. Living away at college and having to move in and out after each year makes a bedroom a complete wreck! I cannot stand a messy room or house. When I get my own place, it will be so organized and clean. I'd be the perfect housewife. hahaha.
According to me, motivation should be like an ingredient in food so that I could just eat it and go!
Lately, I've had little to no motivation. I hate that. I feel so lazy and bad. Guilt lingers in my mind and drives me crazy.
So today I was woke up by my sister whining about toothpaste and other nonsense. After she left for school, it was quiet for about 2 minutes, then my brother decided to play drums. Because drumming at 8am is so great! Not.
Since I was up, I decided to go for a walk/jog around the neighborhood before it got too hot. Besides, I also like getting some fresh air and a chance to clear my head. It was a nice walk/jog except for the neighborhood dogs; I swear they are stupid. Always barking at something, even if it's just air. Now I was all hot and sweaty -- yippee! Time to clean the room. I filled about 5 trashbags with things to send to Goodwill. I didn't even double think what I was donating. I just wanted it all gone. That's part of moving on, you know. Time flew by and I had to go to my job interview. That was alright. Off to Goodwill where the guys definitely thought I was a hottie! hahaha. I stopped by the pediatrician's office for my sister, then went home. Somehow my cleaning spree died and I watched tv. I don't know what happened.
Later, I put in the Dead Poet's Society and did a little bit more work in my room. I still need to get all my old books and papers out so that I can have more floor space. Living away at college and having to move in and out after each year makes a bedroom a complete wreck! I cannot stand a messy room or house. When I get my own place, it will be so organized and clean. I'd be the perfect housewife. hahaha.
According to me, motivation should be like an ingredient in food so that I could just eat it and go!
1492
I sail in my mind,
Fighting the strong winds –
Confusion, fear, and love.
Waves crashing,
Thoughts against my vessel.
Which wind will prevail?
I hope for love;
Seeming less daunting.
Confusion steers me clear
There’s no definite destination
I long for a compass
To guide me to you,
But then again I embrace
Not knowing where I’m going.
Find me instead.
Set sail into the uncharted seas of my mind and
Discover me.
According to me, I’m not the best poet, but these words are from the heart.
Monday, June 6, 2011
"Stop and stare. I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere." - One Republic
"You start to wonder why you're here not there..."
Yeah, I'm wondering. I'm pondering why I'm waiting here in this rut. I stopped climbing my mountain halfway. What was I waiting for? I'm not done yet. I need to finish what I started. It's time for me to continue my journey with or without the people I started it with.
So, I begin my journey again... I don't really know the entire purpose of this "journey," but I'm going to change some more. Today, I had a realization. I realized that I'm growing up -- fast. I cannot stop either. I've got a car, a job, possibly another job, and things to do. I have no time to waste or spend on meaningless nonsense. I've waited long enough for things to turn around on their own; however, I have to be the change I want to see.
As far as guys are concerned, if you want me, you have to come get me. Catch me if you can.
I'm not going to say that I'm the perfect person that everyone wants, but I do have the confidence and respect for myself to not settle for just anyone. I know what I deserve. I deserve the best; I deserve someone who needs me, not just wants me. I should have a man that wouldn't trade me for anything or anyone. Will that man ever come? Only God knows that answer, but until that day, I'm living my life.
I have let myself down one too many times... That's something I'm not proud of. I'm better than that. So now I'm letting go of the baggage, drama, issues, etc. and starting fresh.
Hello world. It's nice to meet you.
According to me, I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over where no one knows my name.
Yeah, I'm wondering. I'm pondering why I'm waiting here in this rut. I stopped climbing my mountain halfway. What was I waiting for? I'm not done yet. I need to finish what I started. It's time for me to continue my journey with or without the people I started it with.
So, I begin my journey again... I don't really know the entire purpose of this "journey," but I'm going to change some more. Today, I had a realization. I realized that I'm growing up -- fast. I cannot stop either. I've got a car, a job, possibly another job, and things to do. I have no time to waste or spend on meaningless nonsense. I've waited long enough for things to turn around on their own; however, I have to be the change I want to see.
As far as guys are concerned, if you want me, you have to come get me. Catch me if you can.
I'm not going to say that I'm the perfect person that everyone wants, but I do have the confidence and respect for myself to not settle for just anyone. I know what I deserve. I deserve the best; I deserve someone who needs me, not just wants me. I should have a man that wouldn't trade me for anything or anyone. Will that man ever come? Only God knows that answer, but until that day, I'm living my life.
I have let myself down one too many times... That's something I'm not proud of. I'm better than that. So now I'm letting go of the baggage, drama, issues, etc. and starting fresh.
Hello world. It's nice to meet you.
According to me, I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over where no one knows my name.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Update from yesterday...
Okay, so no pool today. Bummer. I did get the cat shaved, and the other one her shots. I also caught up on some Secret Life of the American Teenager, which, by the way, has a new episode coming on Monday night that I want have to see. As far as exercising goes, I did a little bit today. I really don't want to go jogging in the neighborhood alone, but then again I don't want to listen to anyone else while I'm jogging. Can't I just have my cake and eat it too? Speaking of cake, I really wanted Sweet Frog today... didn't get that either. It turns out that my best friend's parents are being hardcore strict. Bummer, again. Let's make matters worse by saying that every episode of pretty much whatever I watch reminds me of Jeffrey Wayne. I'm a semi mess... Bummer x3. Oh, and the job hunt is still on. I gotta find myself another one soon.
According to me, I'm just the average girl next door trying to find her way in this world. You can't let the bummers in life keep you down. I'll admit that I cry sometimes but not out of defeat; get back up and show "them" what you've got! [You fill in the them that fits.]
According to me, I'm just the average girl next door trying to find her way in this world. You can't let the bummers in life keep you down. I'll admit that I cry sometimes but not out of defeat; get back up and show "them" what you've got! [You fill in the them that fits.]
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
"For Always, Forever" - Every Avenue
It is officially summertime now. That means work, housework, cleaning almost everything, trips to the pool, and missing friends a lot. Most of my friends live at least an hour away. The ones that live nearby are almost always busy or have full time jobs. Therefore, I'm spending my time right now trying to get two part time jobs. I've got to save up money for gas, sorority dues, and groceries for next school year. Yikes! Life is rough, but I'm still living.
My practicum II is over now, and I miss those kids. I miss waking up early, packing my lunch, and having somewhere to be and something to do until the afternoon. I'm going to visit them Friday and go to their end of the year party. Though I don't think I could work at that middle school, but I could stand being a substitute or just visiting.
Tomorrow, I get to take my kitty to get her summer shave. Poor baby has such long hair; she's a pure bred Maine coon. She's going to be a nakey kitty now. haha. I have to take my other kitty to get a shot of some sort. I hate needles, and I don't like seeing my animals in pain. :-(
But after the vet visits, I plan on going to the pool and trying to get a tan. haha, I know. Me + tan = failure. Nevertheless, I enjoy laying out in the sun. Perhaps I'll read a book. I don't do too much reading, but since I have time to kill I might as well read.
I also will be starting an exercise program called Couch25K. Supposedly, it will help me be able to run/jog a 5K in 3 weeks! First, you start out slow alternating walking and jogging for 20 min then increase the amount of time jogging. You do this workout 3 days a week, so I figure Monday, Wednesday, and Friday will be the days I go out and jog. I'm still not at the weight that I want to be. I've gained weight since I've been home. :'-(
Oh, and each day that passes, I still wait to hear from him. I've never heard silence this loud before.
According to me, summertime is still better than any other time of year.
My practicum II is over now, and I miss those kids. I miss waking up early, packing my lunch, and having somewhere to be and something to do until the afternoon. I'm going to visit them Friday and go to their end of the year party. Though I don't think I could work at that middle school, but I could stand being a substitute or just visiting.
Tomorrow, I get to take my kitty to get her summer shave. Poor baby has such long hair; she's a pure bred Maine coon. She's going to be a nakey kitty now. haha. I have to take my other kitty to get a shot of some sort. I hate needles, and I don't like seeing my animals in pain. :-(
But after the vet visits, I plan on going to the pool and trying to get a tan. haha, I know. Me + tan = failure. Nevertheless, I enjoy laying out in the sun. Perhaps I'll read a book. I don't do too much reading, but since I have time to kill I might as well read.
I also will be starting an exercise program called Couch25K. Supposedly, it will help me be able to run/jog a 5K in 3 weeks! First, you start out slow alternating walking and jogging for 20 min then increase the amount of time jogging. You do this workout 3 days a week, so I figure Monday, Wednesday, and Friday will be the days I go out and jog. I'm still not at the weight that I want to be. I've gained weight since I've been home. :'-(
Oh, and each day that passes, I still wait to hear from him. I've never heard silence this loud before.
According to me, summertime is still better than any other time of year.
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