The end of one thing, the beginning of another.

Today was my last day at the middle school. It was difficult to explain to the children why I had to leave. I cried on the way home... I have to come back and visit them a few times before school is out. Those kids drove me crazy, but they left a mark on my heart. I would have never known that 42 sixth graders at a low socioeconomic city school would end up meaning so much to me. I hope that each and every one of them realize how important a good education is and study hard.

Today was also a day I couldn't get him off my mind...

Woke up late today,
And I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brush my teeth anyway.
Got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work,
And I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio,
Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

Yeah... Sara Evans said it all.  Life goes on with or without some people.
I will always believe everything happens for a reason.

According to me, I'll be alright.

In my heart, you'll always be.

I think of you everyday.  I dream of you often.  I wish you never left because I fear you'll never come back to me.  I miss the sound of your voice.  I miss my phone ringing every morning and evening; you telling me that you loved me.  I sometimes say I can't go on like this anymore, but I know I can and I am.  Pictures of you surround me.  I love your sweet smile.  I miss snuggling with you and watching random movies while drinking Ginger Ale and eating junk food.  I dream of new adventures we can share together, but will they ever happen?  When will you be back?  I've lost track of how many months it's been...
I would give almost anything to see you, hug you, hear your voice.

According to me, you're my world.

Burnt Out

I've been super busy lately.  I am so terribly tired.  The week isn't even halfway over!  Now, I know a lot of people are like boohoo, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it, but I'm not used to being this busy.  I've had to wake up 5 hours before I normally do and stand around for 8 hours observing rowdy children.  That right there will make a sane lady go crazy.  So today after school I came home, changed clothes, ate a snack, wrote my journal, cleaned the bathroom, folded clothes, ate dinner, and painted my nails. ha ha.  I could not resist looking at my bare nails any longer!  Every once in a while I just have a need to feel pretty, typical right?  And my dad informed me tonight that I'll be getting braces again.  However, this time they're invisible!  Yay for not being an obvious brace face.  Note to all: wear your retainer for years after your braces come off.  Those teeth start moving and it hurts.  I also now have to find a car that is 10 years or less old and fairly cheap.  Oh boy... But on the bright side, I have a summer job and I start next week!

An update on the student teaching-
     7th graders are worse at the school I'm at.  They have confirmed my dislike of middle school.  I want my elementary babies back!  I sat in on 2 classes of 7th graders, and they were absolutely horrid.  If I could, I would have slapped every single one of them and yelled until their ears fell off.  Terrible.  My supervising professor came by unexpectedly today, as well.  He is dumb as dirt, too.  I better be receiving an A for putting up with him and this school.  He seems so lost as to what he is supposed to be doing.  I don't know where my university finds these people, but they need to do a better job.  I'd like for my next supervising professor to be competent and active and interested in my experience. Kthanks.

According to me, Friday needs to hurry up so that I can eat dinner at Olive Garden with my friend!

"Miss Gruwell, he just took my damn bag!"

Just replace Miss Gruwell with Miss Yancey and that was my day.  I spent one day in a low socioeconomic city middle school with SPED 6th graders as well as honors 6th graders.  Their stories blow my mind and I've only heard a couple so far.  I have 14 more days with them, and I'm sure each day will bring something brand new.  Thinking back on my day, I am reminded of the great movie Freedom Writers.  It's such a wonderful, eye opening movie... It's sad to know that there are schools just like that one not even 20 minutes from my home.  Teachers buy those students clothes, school supplies, and backpacks of food every two weeks!  Some students don't even have homes and reside in hotels, or even cars if their mom doesn't have money for a room.  I am so blessed to have a stellar education and all of my needs and most of my wants satisfied.  Those 6th graders are hyper and rambunctious, but I can understand why they can't concentrate on a math problem because their mind is too busy wondering if they'll have a place to stay after school or where their next meal is going to come from.  I can't stop counting my blessings.  I thought I wouldn't last past the inclusion class, but I like them better than the advanced for some reason.

More to come later...

"Miss Me, Baby" - Chris Cagle

"Let my memory be the reason you can't sleep..."

While talking to my best friend about her relationship issues, I realized how much I miss my first true love, my dinohawk.  I used to be the person who would get really attached very quickly.  Don't get my wrong, I'll still get attached, but I'm slow to move and trust.  Growing up in a broken family, experiencing some not so good things, and being at college has taught me a lot.  We took a break to focus on ourselves, and now I'm ready to be back in his arms...  The question is does he want me back?  Promises were made; I take them seriously.

Some basic facts and advice:
- If there were more girls like myself (genuine and sweet), then there would be more successful and happy relationships.  These ladies who think they can walk up into some other girl's territory (e.g., boyfriend, lover) and own the place need to realize they're breaking hearts.
- If the guy is serious about the relationship, then don't worry too much about what he's doing all the time.  He is dating you; if he wanted another girl, let's hope he'd have the decency to end it with you first.
- Guys and girls will never understand each other 100%, so let's not be too harsh or assume stuff.
- Double standards suck.  I don't like them.  There needs to be boundaries about what the partners can and cannot do. The end.
- However, the stereotype of the guy working and the lady staying home cooking and cleaning is not such a bad idea for me.  I do like to provide for myself, though.  Jobs are good.
- Don't let people control you.  Ladies, if there's another girl or ex-girlfriend going after your man, trust your man to make the right decisions to protect your relationship.  Guys, your woman is most likely not going to go after another guy, if she's any bit of decent.
- Being protective is good.  Being overprotective is bad.  This goes for parenting, too.  My mother was overprotective of my brother and I.  When I left her house, I broke free (I did not go crazy!) and lived -- felt good, too.  Both partners need to watch out for each other, but don't try to control each other's every action.  You both still have lives to live of your own, especially if you're not married yet.
- Be open and honest with each other.  If there is any uncertainty or any issues, be civil and talk it out.  Don't lose something great over a misunderstanding or miscommunication.  Communication is key.

"I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.  I wish I could start this whole thing over again. [...] You'd still have my heart in the palm of your hands.  I'd still look like a fool in front of your friends.  Yeah, I wish somehow I didn't know now what I didn't know then." - Toby Keith

According to me, trust is the foundation of a splendid relationship.

Studying

Or attempting to...

Each exam week since I've been in college has had "study music."  The first was a mix of soft 90s (because I'm a 90s kid).  The second was Virginia Coalition, an awesome band from my home state.  The third exam week's theme was John Denver ("Leaving on a Jet Plane," "Rocky Mountain High," etc.)  Now the fourth is We the Kings ("Check Yes Juliet," "Skyway Avenue," etc.)  Good stuff right there.  Yes, it's rock music, which usually ends up being more of a distraction than a put-me-in-a-zone music, but I'm doing pretty good.  I feel fairly comfortable with my mathematics.  I have my math exam at 8:00am tomorrow; I haven't been awake before 8:00am in a long time!  I didn't want to study, but I'm forcing myself to redo problems from tests and quizzes and making up my own.  I need an A or high B on the test to keep my A in the class.  I want President's List again!!!

I give myself three more hours of reviewing math, then I'm going to the gym for a couple of hours.  Of course, I'll be studying after my workout for another three hours.  Blah.  Friday cannot get here soon enough!

According to me, exam week whomps.

"White Liar" - Miranda Lambert

Quotes to ponder:

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain

I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle.  Washington could not lie.  I can lie, but I won't. - Mark Twain

No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar. - Abraham Lincoln

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. - Tad Williams

 Why do people feel the need to lie about the most stupidest of things?  Why can't someone just be genuinely open and honest for once?  It absolutely kills me to hear lies.  I have zero tolerance for it.  I'd like to think I can trust anyone I just met or have no issues with, but the first time I catch them lying I'm done.  Goodbye respect; liars suck. The End.

According to me, vultures can om-nom-nom all of the liars.